Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize