So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
