if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
