Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
