protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
