She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
