Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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