I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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