Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize