dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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