That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
