This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
