Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
