Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize