it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
