im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
