have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
