nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
