My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
