I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
