What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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