is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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