Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then he peed in my hair
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