Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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