i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
