Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
