Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
