Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
