yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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