worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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