I've blown a few things in my day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
