drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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