I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
