I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
