I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
