I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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