I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
