Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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