Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
