Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
