so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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