You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
