oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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