You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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