Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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