I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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