I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she told me i tasted like america
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
