Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
