You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
