I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drake has all the answers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
