Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
