got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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