you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
This is not my ceiling
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Randomize
