I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
