What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
