I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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