I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
