The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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