watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
