Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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