I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i will never coherently bang her
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
