Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
