Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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