Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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