my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Come see our sink grown plant.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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