dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's never too late to be topless.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
