i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
