Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
