So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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