You really coming over, don't trick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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