The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
