wat bout pragnant strippers??
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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