is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
