i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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