i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
