My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
