I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize