winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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