So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
