don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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