She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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