yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
