you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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