We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So much Jack, so little girl.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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