I wish I only lived at night.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
