Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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