Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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