that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
