he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
