You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize